Funk

I guess this happens to a lot of people. A Funk. A time when you don’t feel like writing, or you just feel like doing nothing. I think this is what is happening to me. I don’t care as much as I did about blogging as I used to. That kind of upsets me because I like to write, and I love to read the thoughts of other people all the time. But why don’t I feel like sharing about myself anymore?

When I first started this blog I was posting almost everyday. I was excited and every little intricate part of myself made its way to the cyber world. I don’t feel that way anymore. Or, I don’t feel it to the extent that I used to feel it. I feel that way about my vanilla blog as well. I haven’t posted on it in months. I don’t even remember the password without having to look up in an email. I used to be dedicated, yet now….nothing.

I am trying to make a more conscious effort to post more. I feel that it is a release in a very cathartic way, yet at the same time, I don’t want to write with forced words. A blog is more than just mere words on a screen. It is a glimpse at the person writing it. Some blogs are great. I personally like Zed and ginger as a DD blog, and Bonnie’s Bottom Smarts and Pixie’s site. Others I can’t stand….but won’t be mentioned out of respect for their business.

But I feel like I put myself out there, and I know it’s in the court of public opinion, it’s why I don’t post photos and very personal information. I had some issues with someone that is no more than an asshole. That is all I am going to credit them with. They were mean and cruel and basically evil in every sense of the word. But I am done with it, I am not going to let some creep ruin my fun during my journey of this world, and I sure as hell am not going to let anyone run me away from my own blog.

You’re gonna see more of me again. Cheers.

OTK night!

Paddles is cool. I really like the club and wish I was closer to it so I could go more often....but alas...Philly beckons me for the next 3 years at least. I always have a good time when I visit BV. He’s like the perfect gentleman to me, which is something I can really appreciate. We visited Central Park before we went to the club which was cool. I love swing sets and I got to play on them for awhile. It was funny when BV got on one and swung for awhile. I love parks and being outdoors. It’s just an awesome feeling and I don’t feel trapped like I do when I am inside sometimes. I just love it. Hmmm I wonder what would happen if spanko’s went camping. *light bulb flashes in head*

But OTK night at Paddles was really fun. I played with BV a couple of times and I also got to play with two other gentlemen which was really neat as well. I like to broaden my horizons and Paddles provided that safety net where I could play with other people openly.

I fully intend on stalking down the sadist who gave BV a Cocobolo paddle. It’s evil! It’s vile! It should be banned! It hurts! And I know refer to it as the “Demon”. It regularly found its way into my discipline sessions over the last weekend. But it is strange…I find it comforting that it is a punishment paddle. I really don’t like it, but it is effective. It’s an effective way to ensure that I at least *try* to behave myself so I don’t see that evil implement of ass destruction!

*~*~*~*~*~*

School is done. I am officially a sophomore and on the Dean’s List. I am really happy about that, and actually really excited for next year already. Sad news is that I probably won’t get the chance to study abroad even though I would really like to. My scholarships and financial aid won’t carry and I can’t afford it.

Please fix the economy Mr. President?
I'd like to go to Europe soon!

I want to go to law school, and today began to look at potential law schools. I don’t know if I will go there or not yet. I’ve considered the career for a long time and have done relatively well on the practice Law School Admission Tests (LSAT’s) I’ve taken. Apparently I am a good analytical thinker. I don’t know yet. I am young and have time, but I am not going to give up working hard like I’ve been doing. It’s a thought to ponder!

scholarship!!

I recently won a $13,500 scholarship. I am soooooooo excited, and rather busy. More later.

My Domain

This is my blog, and my opinion reflected here. I don’t have to answer up to anyone about anything on here as it is my place to vent. I can talk about whether I am happy or sad or angry. If I feel like posting a happy go lucky little poem, I will do so. If I feel like pissing and moaning that life sucks, I will do so.

I love this lifestyle. I really do enjoy being in the scene and making friends, both ones I have already met and ones I hope to meet in the future. But I am tired of the whispers and side talk and rumors that abound. It’s ridiculous, and I am tired of it. If people have nothing nice to say, they should keep their pathetic little mouths shut. Futile arguments only make the instigator look like a fool. Perhaps that is better. Fueling the fire will only get the person playing burnt.

We play characters in this lifestyle a lot, but it’s time to let our true personalities show. People have recently done that, and I see them for the person they really are. It’s sad, but it’s better that I, and people around me know who they really are.

My favorite quote comes from Dr. Seuss, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”. I need to live by that statement more often. I shouldn’t give a crap about what people say, but to be honest, I do. If you insult my friends, you insult me. I care about the people I love, and I don’t tolerate ignorance towards them or me.

We’re all adults, everyone should act like adults. Get rid of the diapers, pull your thumb out of your mouth and grow up.

fetlife.com

Is awesome!

I recommend it anyone intrested in BDSM or TTWD

:) Peace for now,

jai xxx

Paddles NYC

I haven't gotten the chance to post about the second time I went to NYC to visit BV, and honestly I think too much time has passed for me to recount the entire account, all I can say is that it was awesome as always. The part that I remember the best is going to Paddles NYC, the local scene club. I went on Mardi Gras night, which was really cool. I still have my beads hanging on my bed, cause they're cool looking. There wasn't that many people there, but I got to meet the owner and couple of well established people there. I got spanked 3 times by BV there. I was really shy, which is a bit unusual for me. You could describe it as the "deer in headlights" look I guess. It was pretty funny actually. I experienced my first St. Andrew's cross, it was an interesting experience to say the least. It would be really fun to try out some more of their equipment as well. The club has this night called OTK night, where it is just OTK spankings. I would absolutely love to go to one of those. I love OTK, and it might be fun to get to meet some more of BV's friends and get some more spankings. :)

While we were there, I did get a punishment spanking from BV for being behind on some homework. By the time he had found out that I was behind, I was verrry sore, and asked him not to use any implements, and he obliged me. But dang!! That man has a wooden hand!! I think he spanked for a solid 5 minutes before he was finally satisfied that I had learned my lesson. I remember this spanking in paricular because I just had a midterm in this particular class and the grade I got back was the highest in the class. I think I go his message. ;)

Holy Moly

It's been almost a month since I've last updated....sorry about that. Life seems to have a way of coming up and biting us in the bum when we least expect it. I've been really busy lately, school seems to do that to you. I am in the middle of scheduling classes for fall semester, after having an internal debate about wether or not I was going to stay at the college I had started at. I am coming back for my sophmore year, but honestly, I don't know if where I am currently at is where I am meant to spend 4 years and $144,000 in tuition. It's a confusing time......*gah*

Rick (Sir) and I will never be in a Dom/sub relationship ever again. I think that is for the best, and it was ultimately my decision. I can still be friends with him of course, but our roles were just not meant to be. I think there will still be times when I will miss him, but I have moved on and feel confident in doing so now, more so then I did a month ago. Part of that was why I hadn't come on in a month. I didn't know what to say, and when I did, I didn't know how to say it. I've figured it out now. And what I've learned is that is one hell of a journey on a rickety roller coaster. This lifestyle can be so confusing, but I've buckled my seatbelt and I am in it for the long haul.

Taking a Break from Sir

Sir and I are taking a break from each other. I don't know for how long, maybe a few weeks, maybe an indefinite amount of time. That's not something I can currently post on right now. I honestly think it is for the best right now though. I think we were both getting tired of each other to a certain point, and I need this time for me right now.

I also really don't want to talk about it right now, so I am going to leave it like this.

BV 2

Ok, I decided that I wanted to continue the story anyway...

I love travelling, but I get tired from it easily, and walk,ing around Times Square and other places after 2 1/2 hours of a bus, I was bushed! I really did have an AMAZING time in NYC with Black Velvet, and I can't wait to go back and see him again. He has a great personality....it is kind of hard to see as much online, because it is hard to describe, but in real life he is really funny and I related really well and easily to him.

Saturday when we both woke, we spent a lot more time cuddling, btw, he is awesome at that! ;) And then I had some fun bratting him (at cost to my bum). I had asked to use his computer to find a train schedule and discovered that he an automatic sign in on his YIM. When the cat's away, the mouse will play!!! Unfortunately for the mouse (me), the cat (him) woke up behind me as I was bust chatting online pretending to be him. Oooooooooh my bum paid for that one. Namely, Mr. Hairbrush and I had quite a thourgouh discussion. I tried to cover my bum with a pillow, but the problem was, the pillow hadn't been bad, I had. Shoot... :(

Plan failed...

BUT THEN!....He hopped in the shower and ta-da!! His computer was still open and calling my name! I changed his status a few times, leaving it to "Finally taking a shower...whooo-EEEEEE!" It took him awhile to notice, but when he did....errr....Madame Wooden Spoon joined the conversation with Mr. Hairbrush, and I'm pretty sure a tawse interjected a few comments along the way as well.

That one wasn't nearly as fun as some of the other spankings, but was, I admit, well deserved.....I think that got the most ouches and squirming out of me. He was so gentle afterwards though. I had buried my head in the pillow because I wasn't sure if I was going to cry or not and he laid down on the bed next to me and asked me if I was ok, and hugged and kissed me. I think that was the best part of the whole ordeal. I love his aftercare!!! :)

We had to leave for the station so I could get back to Philly, and I really didn't want to go. I had a great time with him, and it seemed, like all good things, to have ended too soon. I think we snuggled all the way to the station...on the bus, on the metro, in the station.....lol. I like holding his hand, and just walking together. We went into K-Mart at Penn Station and he bought me some choco's and a really cute stuffed bunny!! I took pictures, but it would be really handy if I knew where the usb cord is so I could download from my camera!!

He play smacked me with his newspaper infront of the station as we were waiting for my bus, and it was funny. I think when the bus finally came, we stood and hugged for like 5 minutes before I finally boarded. It was a great weekend with a completely amazing guy who makes me feel like I am worth something. And I loved every second of it.

Black Velvet

Friday morning I caught the train into Center City and got on a bus to New York City for a weekend of spanking fun. I met up with my really good friend Black Velvet, and we had a blast! He works in Times Square, so I visited him there while he was duty and toured a couple of museums and browsed a few shops. When his shift was over, we took the metro back to his apartment....where the real fun began.

He has a smallish apartment in a really quiet building, which was nice, because I like my privacy. He gave me a pretty quick tour, and then sat on his bed and beckoned me over. I didn't feel any of the apprehension I've felt when meeting other spankos, and I took it as a good sign. He was talking gently to me as he unbuttoned my jeans and tugged them to my knees. Then he took my right hand and guided me over his lap. Once he made sure I was securely over his lap, he pulled my panties down to mid thigh and rubbed his hand over my bottom. Still talking to me, he began to spank with his hand, alternating from side to side.

He used his hand for a few minutes, then started in with his implements...(demonic hairbrush). Some of the spanking was disciplinary (ie. My mouth gets me in trouble) and some not so much (hehehe). I was lying on his bed on my stomach, with my panties still at half mast and he logged onto his computer and YIM to talk to a few of our friends. Once they realized I was visiting with him, they all sent requests to have me spanked (grrrrrrr) and he obliged them (double grrrrr).

Being as obsessed (haha) with the Bond movies, he was semi-shocked to learn that I had never seen a James Bond movie in my life. He put "Casino Royale" in the DVD player so I could watch it, and every few minutes would pause it and ask me questions about it. If I didn't know them, he picked up his hairbrush, but it was a fun spanking everytime. Good thing to because I had no clue about the movie. I ended up falling asleep before it ended anyway!! I woke up a short time later to find he had turned the movie off and was still online.

After awhile, he turned off the computer and laid down with me on the bed and we cuddled together until we both fell asleep. That's the first night, and I am currently sick, so I promise not to leave you hanging and will be back with a story about Saturday soon.

;)
Jai